Debriefing
As I wear boxers, this post sadly has nothing to do with the removal of my underwear. Instead it has to do with goodbyes. I don't like them very much, but I recently had to say a few. Tonight I noticed a few things about them. First of all, I find (and this is a general observation which goes beyond this particular experience) that you often say the least to the person you have the most to say to. It's just easier to let all the sleeping dogs lie than to kick them awake during a final meeting, particularly if it is public. Second, sometimes it doesn't matter how you say good-bye, or even if you awknowledge it. In fact, sometimes it's better if you don't. Just parting as if you plan on seeing each other the next day can sometimes be best. And finally, if you can slip out of town without seeing anybody, do it. I have a friend who did that yesterday; at the time I was angry at her, but right now her route seems very appealing.
4 Comments:
Being a person who doesn't tend to 'let the sleeping dogs lie", I'd have to say i prefer the "kicking the dead dog" approach when it comes to goodbyes... especially when you won't see the person again (or at least not for a long time). I say better to get things off your chest then walk around with a load of bricks on your shoulders. The hard part about the "pretending to see you tomorrow" goodbye is that you actually think you'll see the person tomorrow. And then its extra sad when tomorrow rolls around and you don't get to see them. It totally prolongs the "mourning" period of friends-gone-away. And my final thought- there's a big difference in the genre of goodbyes when you're the one leaving vs. one you're staying and just saying goodbye to someone who is leaving. Someone should write a book on that. I could certainly use some advice. The public waterfall thing can be a tad embarassing.
I personally think that it depends upon the nature of the ‘goodbye’. If ‘kicking the dog’ would be hurtful in nature then I agree that time always heals deep wounds. However, if ‘kicking the dog’ would have been at all positive in nature then by all means, wake him up. By letting the ‘sleeping dog lie’ you are always going to wonder ‘what if’ and there’s no point in that.
I think you both have solid points. But sometimes the easy route is the best, particularly when goodbye is not permenant. In response to the point about good or bad results, well, we don't always know what the results will be. Its a question of probability and risk vs. reward. Me, I'm a coward, so I don't take the risk and consequently don't usually end up with the reward.
That’s a shame. Life is so much more fun when one starts living. If you are unsure whether the situation would lead to greater risk or reward for yourself then try to think about the other person. If the situation could somehow be a positive experience for them then try to put them first. Go ahead and ‘kick the dog dead’.
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